Understanding Dysfunctional Relationships

Hiii friends 🙂

While walking in the NYC streets yesterday, I was meditating over dysfunctional relationships.
Analyzing some family relationships, acquaintances and listening to some friends stories, I came to a conclusion. Relationships that started two or more decades ago are more likely to be a failed institution. I made a list with the most common causes for failed relationships and hopefully you all enjoy it and leave a comment at the end! 

 
 

1- MARRIAGES WITH NO DATING PERIOD

In the past, people used to meet each other and get married right away. Another problem it was with long term relationships, they never really got to ”know” each other. Nobody was allowed to travel or sleep with their bfs/gfs. How Do you know you want to spend your life with someone if you barely know this person? Dating is almost a vital phase needed in life, therefore, we should live these moments to the fullest! The dating period provides the opportunity for two people to meet, find out if there are an emotional, spiritual or mental affinity to give continuity to the relationship.



2- PEOPLE WHO NEVER KNEW WHO THEY WERE AND WHAT THEY REALLY WANTED

While today women have career and ambitions, in the past it wasn’t quite like that. Most marriages were arranged and others were quick and based on money/power. In addition, woman were so submissive to the point they wouldn’t even create goals for their lives (besides kids, cooking and having a husband).

3- STAYING TOGETHER BECAUSE OF CHILDREN, FINANCES OR EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCE

If you are reading this and you hit this stage, I am sorry to inform you:  this is not (and it will never be) a healthy relationship. If you stay with someone because you have kids with that person, that is the most ridiculous excuse you can have. Why? While for you is convenient suffering and believing you are doing something great for the kids by staying with your partner; on the other hand; your kids will suffer and create traumas over your unstable relationship.

How about couples that only stay with each other because they can’t be financially stable? I can’t recall a time where I had to be dependent on men. I always try my best to share expenses (equally) and if I can’t pay at that moment, I will pay the next time and so on. I think some people get so comfortable to the point they stop fighting for their own things and live on other people’s effort. This is not only miserable but it also a huge indicator of a character that only depreciates overtime.

The last -and probably the saddest reason to stay with another person – EMOTIONAL DEPENDENCE . The organization of one’s life around the loved one to the point of making its existence inconceivable without the other is a form of addiction similar to drug addiction or alcohol, whose destructive nature requires treatment and prevention. Someone who needs approval, acceptance and recognition of others to deal with every single life situation, because they don’t believe in their own value, it is probably living in emotional dependence.

WHY WE ARE SO LUCKY TODAY?

1- FREEDOM

The social and moral changes during in the last years brought other types of unions beyond traditional religious and civil marriage between a man and a woman. Different experiences as divorces, remarriages, reorganized families, homosexual unions, differences in age and culture and beliefs characterize various types of relationships. This enables new experiences and learning new goals and relationships.

Nowadays people are looking for relationships that can express the desire to be with each other satisfactorily and want to be next to someone they feel good, while they have affinity with and with similar/ shared projects. Therefore, couples are less bound by family and freer than ever to develop different relationships from those that the tradition their parents probably lived. As each one has its own culture, with family rituals, beliefs, myths, rules and regulations, new unions imply greater negotiating when it comes to sharing a life together.

2- OH! WE ARE EQUAL

Although I am not a feminist (to be honest most of the things attached to this term are shallow and stupid, because like other movements, it is filled with hypocrisy) there are certain aspects of the changes from 10, 20 years ago to today I really enjoy. First of all, let me begin by saying that we do not need to compete to show equal rights. As humans we are equal, we share biological characteristics and possess similar morphological and physiological qualities. A way to communicate through language and use reason are also features that humanize us and make us equal. We can do anything we want! If you have a lot of free time to fight for whatever reason, be aware that the same time can be used to do something actually productive. There are tons of free libraries and online resources and one of the best quotes (pretty simple, but direct) I have seen it says:

“We are shaped by our thoughts, we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves” Buddha.



I think that is all for today, I am so sleepy now! 😛 hopefully you guys enjoyed reading my thoughts. Don’t ever forget to be want you want while you are alive and do what you love!


Liana

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