Missing a place I haven’t been… yet

Hi there!

Running around, listening to fire trucks sounds, people and their stressful morning moods, taking subways up and down, going to college, completing assignments  and working double shift… yes, this was my week. Well, this is pretty much every single day of my life in New York.

As my life-changing year approaches (graduation) I’ve been thinking about strange desires I have. Throughout my life I’ve been exposed to many different things and feelings, just like any normal human being. I’ve seen people from all shapes and forms, I’ve experienced regional rituals, I’ve associated songs to places and all these patterns that we tend to do while growing up. We are made out of associations. We connect everything everywhere.

Although I love people and the city life (sometimes), I have a HUGE passion for nature. I grew up in the beach and spent most of my childhood visiting dad’s farms. Since I love creating things and I’m much more of a hands-on person than anything else, being connected to nature is where I belong. Natural forms give me inspiration, nature sounds brings me the peace of mind I need…

Once while watching Twilight, as soon as I saw Edward’s house, I knew that place was literally perfection to me! Oh, in case you were wondering.. this is the house:

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There is something about gloomy weather, nature and sounds that makes me be the best I can be. I know for a fact that being an international student won’t help me at this moment (as I am struggling to survive and pay my college tuition instead of relaxing). I don’t know what NY holds for me but I know for a fact that if I have to live in a shoebox with no nature at all after graduation, I definitely do not and I will not be in Manhattan.

I love travelling and seeing new places. A lot of people come up to me and say New York is the greatest place in the world. Is there such a thing as “the greatest place in the world?” I haven’t visited all countries nor experienced 10% of what I planned to…yet! I know exactly what happens when people get a job here, they get complacent, get married and die.

I want more. I want more than a job, more than a marriage, more than coming back home living in a concrete jungle. But where is my true happiness? I don’t know yet. As my graduation approaches I’ve been overwhelmed with thoughts from my past, present and future. It seems like I am blending all my experiences together to find my own destiny.

Things I want and things I do not want:

While I still want to share my life with someone, I don’t want kids anymore and I don’t know if I’ll ever want kids again. Having kids means not going out, spending way more money and time, not taking care of yourself, not having a social life. Remember these are my views and my views only. Other people may love the idea. I just.. don’t anymore.

I like simplicity but I also like big spaces.

I grew up on the Northeast area of Brazil, if you are not aware, we are the “countryside” of the country. My region is characterized by simple life in the farms, extreme poverty, music (forro). Oh we have traditional sports too!  “vaquejada” e “cavalhada” (traditional sports in rural areas,  vaquejada is the sport in which two cowboys (“vaqueiros”) on horseback pursue a bull, seeking to pin it between the two horses and direct it to a goal (often consisting of chalk marks), where the animal is then knocked over and cavalhada which is a “lighter” type of sport, with a guy running on a horse trying to get a metal piece that looks like a circle out of a wooden bar.

In this video, you can see some vaquejada pictures + forro music on the background:

This one is a little bit about cavalhada:

At this moment, I’m typing from my college’s library. While going over reminiscences of my roots, I am trying to figure out where I belong to… I made a gallery of my mood today! Hopefully it doesn’t look too crazy! haha

See you soon!








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